11.01.2012

Tilt

The sunlight is getting paler on his little arm
as he reaches for leaves now turning red
the world is tilting
and we're sliding back into position
the leave is almost over,
the leaves are falling.
Last night, the children ran door to door in their costumes
beautiful smiles for every neighbor
I remember trick or treating until it felt wrong
at 13
uncostumed
exposed
unable to let go of all that approval
and sugar
I hungered for both
at the doorsteps of my neighbors
I had pitbulls
and alcoholics
and hippies
and abusers
and my children have nothing but safe and loving homes lighting up the night around them
but at 13 I didn't want to let go of my galaxy
because even if they didn't show love for themselves and each other
they still had the most minute love for me
when I knocked on their doors
and they gave me an offering
and I took it
gratefully
abating my childhood loneliness for one more night

Now it's time to let go again
I hold the lesson of my second childbirth: trust
your intuition
and don't be afraid of discomfort
The shadows get longer as his smile gets wider and he reaches further for
the things that interest him
I bring him into his own galaxy
release him to this world
as my ultimate offering
of love
and trust

At 14 it was over. I put on green fishnet tights and went to a concert.
No one gave me candy. I ached for the loss of what it meant.
But I jumped in the mosh pit
and joined the combat-clad
and toughened, as is my way,
when time reveals itself