Being a person at 35 with a full life is all about trying to listen to what kind of space you need for yourself. And then fighting for it. Opportunities for space are revealed in surprising ways. Sometimes it's just space from your own élan. I read last night that certain yogurts contain a bacteria that has a calming effect on the body, and in the last few years I've found myself incredibly bound to my mid-morning yogurt. I always assume it's the protein, but this must be part of it, too. Auditory: My sweet love likes to listen to NPR in the kitchen in the morning, and while I used to share his propensity for tuning it out or in at will, for many reasons, I can't right now. It's just noise that makes it hard to think or talk. So he turns it off.
I have a meeting, about my role and work, with the CEO next week, for which I can never be too prepared nor can I ever be adequately prepared. But yet I still think I'll take Monday off. It seems crazy. But almost inexplicably, so does going in that day. So I might as well spend it with my daughter.
I also left a full plate at work yesterday to participate in lunchtime yoga, with a sober understanding of the sacrifices inherent in that choice. When the teacher directed us to repeat moves that were not in line with the needs of my body, I started doing my own thing. She got more and more controlling, at one point asking everyone to face the exact same direction while lying down (totally unnecessary). I felt those around me comply, but by then I was waaay renegade. I was acutely aware of what I was giving up to be there, and no amount of pressure to conform was going to mean that I was going to walk out of that room without satisfying my needs.
Because needs change all the time, you really have to listen to your spirit to learn in that moment, what is needed. Hard when life requires planning, but required to be present in life.