9.08.2010

Daily Poem 23-30/30

The Big Dipper.
I looked up and there it was
with a message on this Perfect Late Summer Night

I had been feeling pitifully sorry
for myself
for falling on the concrete
just when I was thinking I was so light on my feet
getting used to running in pitch darkness
looking into people's beautiful homes on a new street I'd never explored
with their period stained glass and ornate gardens
musing about where to put stained glass in my house someday
I was light
on my feet
but it was dark
and I wasn't light enough.

Soon I was bloody
and limping past the school fields, my knee throbbing.
Huge lights picking up a teenage lacrosse game. Couple of dads talking
in the perfect summer air
pause to check me out
well, check out my busted lip and mournful gaze.
I was late that day to pick up my baby
I hit a roadblock at work
and I didn't feel successful
I didn't even get to work out
I'm not even a writer anymore
no one reads my poems and I can't even get to 30.
I don't feel like an artist
or a humanitarian.
My little baby goes to daycare
and it makes me feel like a failure
even if she seems to love daycare
and thrive.
It still feels wrong.

I was just thinking about all these things
and how badly I felt for falling
when I saw the big Dipper
full of a message for me
and I stood up straighter
and felt my spine release

Said the Big Dipper:
I am full of blessings
Feel my blessings as they fall on your shoulders.
Feel your body as it breathes
Feel it as it bleeds. It's alive!
Your amazing daughter full of life
exquisite husband
buying snakes because
he knows what makes him happy.
A blessing.
What an honor to have the job you do
Cedar Cedar
blessings on you
blessings on you