Marking the Milestones

Breastfeeding in public by myself! (Well, and the baby.) Driving all the way to the gym! Taking a Mommy & Me class! Shoulder exercises! Eating a civilized lunch! So many new-mama milestones today. After lifting weights, though, I am newly tired. And yet determined to bundle Peony and take her for our walk. After all:

www.my-calorie-counter.com The webs free Diet Log

Sigh. I swore I'd never add one of these things, but maybe trying to move the butterfly closer to the right will motivate me. Or maybe just wanting to wear regular clothes again will motivate me. I wonder if it will automatically update? It might!

My sweetie was so good during Mommy & Me. She lay on her back and smiled at me!! Except for when she was crying. But even then I just popped her in the Bjorn and kept doing squats. I felt so lucky to have my girl with me. Which was nice, because last night was the first night I felt some nostalgia for the old times, the just-two-of-us times. Just a little. She was uncomfortable and couldn't be easily consoled, she was either nursing or fussing from 5pm to midnight (and is now refusing a bottle), and she wouldn't let me put her down all day, so by midnight I felt done. I started thinking about travel and movies and cuddling and all the things I loved so much with my husband, and how scary it is to read and hear about kids being a challenge to relationships, and how much I treasure my duck and don't want us to resent each other. And yet being married parents is a whole new challenge we have to rise to meet. It's only been a month, and we're doing pretty good, but I am jealous of the ease with which he leaves the house. (See prev. entry.) He makes it looks so....easy.

It's breastfeeding. It's so good for my girl, and so worth it, but so painful and messy and lengthy and consuming, and it keeps me tied to her unpredictable hunger pangs. Not what I expected. We're getting the hang of it and my mentors keep telling me "it gets so much easier," so I cling to those words. Already, though, it is 100 times easier than when we started, and I'm so proud she's 100% breastmilk. Hell, I'm web-ticker proud.

The World Looks Inviting Again

"You!" I said to my husband. "Coming into the house and then prancing right back out! Using a car to go into the world! Having all those 'experiences'! Using that thing they call a 'door'!" He asked if I was just maybe going a little stir-crazy. It's 17 degrees outside, I have a baby strapped to my chest, I am still in my bathrobe at 5pm, and I haven't been outside since Tuesday. Not stir-crazy yet, but maybe the edge of it. Just stir.

I took our little pea blossom to Target on Monday. After that we were going to take a girl's trip to my new mother's group. But baby cried in Target. I thought it was understandable---Target kind of sucks sometimes. Bad lighting and shoppers with attitude. And they had no cute onesies that fit her. But she even cried in the warm car. I took her home and cuddled her, which makes her very happy. Not all babies are happy when they are held or cuddled or worn in a sling, so Peony's ability to be reassured makes me grateful. But still. It made me wonder just how I'm ever going to get out there. I don't need to go far--just far enough to forget about my annoying neighbor and feel like there's a reason to take a shower. We're talking Starbucks.

When it's warmer, and by that I mean at least 25 degrees, then the small one and I shall venture out into the world. Although I took her to Starbucks when she was two weeks old and a fellow mother loudly told me to "take her home and put her in an incubator." She also told me P. was hungry, which she was not. It stressed me out, but then again, the tadpole is going to invite all kinds of comments from the general populace, and I must take them with ease. I didn't learn to do that perfectly in pregnancy, but now that I am a bona fide mama, I think it's going to be necessary.