Top Ten Favorite Things About Pregnancy So Far

10. Big pillows
9. Weleda Pregnancy Oil
8. Getting to eat as much fresh summer fruit as I can...oh, blackberries!
7. Discovering that Ann Taylor puts their maternity clothes with the career Petites (as opposed to Gap, which houses them messily with the kids section, or Target, which shelves maternity next to Plus size)
6. Peaches buying me special handcrafted artisan root beer so I don't feel left out of drinking
5. Nausea ending
4. Seeing ten baby toes on the ultrasound
3. Bringing out lots of sweet feelings in those around me, especially in my workaday life
2. Hearing the heartbeat
1. Getting to love Peaches even more, if possible.



We watched The Business of Being Born last night and I found it peacefully entrancing, almost hypnotic. I braced for a gruesome medical diatribe because, well, that's mostly how US media depicts childbirth: gruesome and medical. But instead: Peaceful home birth after peaceful home birth. It reminded me of my mom's peaceful home birth when I was nine. The movie utterly reinforced my hope for a natural waterbirth when this baby is ready to come.

A featured midwife in the movie reminded me of both my lifecoach and my favorite mind/body fitness coach, Misty Tripoli, in her manner of speaking and working. It is without ego, present from the heart, without judgment, what I think of as true support. Listening, with an opinion, somehow making that opinion known while listening with the whole body. Never in conflict with you, yet easily correcting you. Never, ever preaching. But so present you have to listen. And remember.

I'm definitely not there. But I aspire to be. When I've asked Misty and my lifecoach how they accessed this part of themselves, they both attributed it to handing over control to the Source. God, I think. I don't know what to make of this, being a divine nonbeliever myself. I can justify it a little, in believing that they let go of their own fears and constructs and presented their true spirit self. But a spirit self is just there beautifully; it's not forceful and deeply communicative. Something about these particular people makes them forceful in the best way. Possibly something outside of my human experience.

I have had an eventful few weeks. I celebrated my birthday and second trimester with a few friends by dancing under the night sky at the edge of the Charles. In my head, I wrote a million blog entries about it and about turning 32. But I left soon after for a week in Vermont with Peaches, and forgot everything I was supposed to worry and think about. Bliss. Trees. A guest golden retriever. A new baby from Vietnam. My husband, a cabin, a bikeride, snakes and toads in the leaves, moose tracks, a climb up a mountain in a warm summer rain to a windy observation tower, a flight in a glider (2Gs! Weightlessness!!), horses in a field, stars at night, driving through small towns out for the fireworks. Every one was a blog entry in my head. But then I returned home and found my O.B. She's wonderful!! She's mine! We visited my parents and brother, waded in the creek at Taughannock State Park and Peaches drove me all the way home listening to the new and awesome sound system. The next day, I felt the baby move.

Ever since, I have felt even more protective of the small life force in my body. It's a mystery somewhere near my hips. I don't really know where it came from, and I can't wait to meet it. But I already feel like I know it, and things are really good. I don't know how to say that better; things are just really good.

This morning I woke up and lay in bed with cat, with husband, thinking in the quiet dark hot morning about everything I haven't written, and then I felt a kick and I had to smile.