So, We Hear You've Got a Tail

Your dad and I sat around on the porch this week in the hot weather, arguing about whether you were the size of a peppercorn OR if you were, instead, the size of an orange seed, with a heart the size of a poppyseed. Eventually, we had to catch ourselves and laugh. That night, I had a dream that I was telling my friend Kramer about you at a rooftop party in New York and he was very happy for all three of us. We don't know if you're going to stick around or not, so we're holding off on buying you the camo shoes and the baby pumas and all that. But if you stick it out to sit on the porch with us, we can at least promise you that your feet are going to look pretty rockin.

I told my personal trainer about you and he was especially thrilled to hear that you have a tail, which seems like a milestone to me and weirdly human. I think only five people know about you.

Today I taught a cardio class based on swordmanship to a class of one, a lawyer who had been stressed alot of her life and hadn't exercised since 1992. Holding wooden blades, we sliced and diced our imaginary opponents to a soundtrack of tribal music until she said she was so winded she was feeling dizzy. Then we did abs. Later Peaches and I pal-ed around Gore and Lyman Estates, realized that sheep really ARE boring herd animals, ("you really ARE sheep," I told them, as they bleated and clustered together) and then saw "Harold and Kumar Escape from Guatanamo Bay" at the Capitol in Arlington. Not a five-star like its predecessor, but we did laugh the whole way through. Especially at Harold looking very angsty in the Y2K? shirt. I wonder if you'll like that some day. I hope you're just befuddled by all the pot jokes, though. You'll probably be more befuddled by a reference to Y2K, which is awesome.

I've been protecting my bloodstream for you by using a fancy, expensive French soap. My old soap could apparently cause birth defects, which just seems creepy anyway. The new soap isn't even soap, since the French don't like soap. It's actually sage mousse. Seriously. It's lovely. I do still seem to be breaking out, though. Just a little.

Anyway, how's that tail treating you? Tomorrow it's all about BOSU class and muscle conditioning. My students don't know about you yet, but I do get winded more easily and I wonder if they notice. That's why it's nice to be the teacher: I can just walk around and hand out orders! Kinda like parenting, right? Ha, ha. JK. Hope it's all OK in there.